A few weeks ago, I decided to install a new light fixture and a dimmer in my bathroom, so I did what any philosopher would do: I researched light fixtures and switches to find exactly the right ones. The fixture was relatively easy, because — aside from accommodating dimmable bulbs — the issues were mostly […]
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My Favorite Things
As a kid, I didn’t respond well to the expectation to have favorites — a favorite color, favorite dish, favorite holiday, favorite thing. In a word, I thought it was dumb, and of all the things I found difficult to deal with growing up, dumb expectations were among the worst. But it was an almost […]
Continue ReadingMosaics and bundles
A philosopher friend of mine asked an astute question about my mosaic metaphor, so I thought a bit of our conversation would make a good post. In my post Philosophy and the Narrative Self, I talked about the narrative self as a collection of stories we tell ourselves and others about who we are. I […]
Continue ReadingParenting primates
If you talk to parents about parenting, you’ll hear many of them express this sentiment: The biological imperative to love your offspring is what enables many children to survive childhood. When primates are small and mostly helpless, biologically-induced love works reasonably well, but many parents struggle with the relationship after the helpless (and cute) stage. […]
Continue ReadingFive Questions to Ask a Philosophy of Life Coach
What is philosophy of life coaching? Each of us has a life to manage, and each of us approaches that task in light of general, action-guiding principles — whether we can articulate them or not. A philosophy of life is really a coherent set of principles for living plus the overarching aim or “mission” of […]
Continue ReadingThree Relationship Myths
In my practice, I’ve worked with people whose relationships aren’t going so well. Time and again, some of these difficulties are caused by beliefs about relationships. Here are three common relationship myths and what to do about them. Myth #1: Relationships happen spontaneously The belief that you’ll be walking along one day and the heavens […]
Continue ReadingPower Exchange: start here
I’m often asked about the difference between D/s, M/s, and O/p relationships, frequently with an added comment like, “They’re basically the same thing, right?” Or “ Isn’t it just a question of degree?” As is the case with many “straightforward“ questions, these are surprisingly complex issues. For one thing, in the real world of BDSM […]
Continue ReadingA reflection
Dear friends of Live Your Virtue: I’ve struggled with the news of the verdict in Derek Chauvin’s trial, and, if you’ll forgive me for posting a personal message, I’d like to share some reflections with you. This verdict will be greeted in many ways by different communities and people. It is, no doubt, a milestone for many, a symbol of a long-unfulfilled promise of […]
Continue ReadingExpectations: a moral tale
When I was training as a psychotherapist, my supervisor (an M.D. psychoanalyst) told me an interesting tale: Researchers had a group of psychoanalysts and psychiatrists review histories and perform diagnostic interviews for every member of the first-year class at a famous medical school. They rendered a diagnosis, where appropriate, and noted the prognosis. Researchers followed […]
Continue ReadingCommunal excellence
Many of my readers know that, in one of the great cosmic ironies, I am principal organist for a Lutheran church. In my post, “Emptiness,” I wrote about the experience of playing the organ in an empty space, and the surprising way this emptiness prompted me to notice what I was doing. I wanted to […]
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