What is philosophy of life coaching?
Each of us has a life to manage, and each of us approaches that task in light of general, action-guiding principles — whether we can articulate them or not. A philosophy of life is really a coherent set of principles for living plus the overarching aim or “mission” of life. Aristotle puts it like this: “For a well-lived life, two things are needed: worthy goals to aim for, and the right means to achieve them.”
There are many “guides” for organizing and living one’s life. Religious traditions, for instance, offer both a worldview plus practical principles for living. Many traditional schools of philosophy — such as Stoicism and Epicureanism — incorporated practical principles for managing one’s life. From the perspective of philosophy, the key issue is that a philosophy of life is not just a “perspective,” but an intentional, deliberate set of principles, pursued within a rational framework.
This doesn’t mean we give up loving or caring or emotion; it means that the principles we adopt for guiding our lives are examined in light of reason. Why? To give one simple example, believing and trying to live by principles that conflict with one another is a source of conflict, stress, and lack of orientation in our lives.
Why should I consider a philosophy of life coach?
Are you the sort of person who is most comfortable Riding the Bus and drifting through the scenery? Do you follow someone else’s example and studiously avoid asking questions? Are you content to let someone else define the meaning and purpose of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then a philosophy of life coach is definitely not for you.
On the other hand, we sometimes have a sense of dislocation, lack of purpose, “drift,” even boredom within our lives, and we may not be able to say why. If you feel burdened by anything in mentioned above — if you want to reflect on the meaning and direction of your life, how you make decisions, why you sometimes feel lost or directionless; if you want to live a more deliberate, autonomous, examined life; if you want to be as in charge of your life as you can be — then spending some time with a philosopher/coach thinking about your philosophy of life might be just what you’re looking for.
Sometimes people worry that examining their beliefs means they might change. If you’re one of them, you are right to worry — but think this through: Every additional day you’re alive means your beliefs might change. In fact, we have a word for what happens to people when their attitudes and beliefs change. We call it growth. Yes, it can be scary; yes, it can cause you to leave things behind — but think about how your first car or your first relationship or your first plate of stir-fried squid urged you into a new future with a new you. Not all change is growth, you might say. You’re absolutely right — but how do you tell the difference? How do you choose growth instead of treading water?
There can indeed be conflict associated with self-awareness and growth, but here’s something we have to get used to about the human condition: Absence of conflict is not peacefulness; absence of conflict is death. Stay alive while you are alive, and learn how conflict can enrich your life and spark growth.
What credentials/certifications/experience should I look for in a philosophy of life coach?
There are many ways to gain knowledge and expertise about philosophies of life. The academic study of philosophy or religion can be useful, but the really important consideration is whether a person is able to equip and empower you effectively in pursuing your philosophy of life. There’s a lot of disdain for “experts” around us, and anyone who’s sat in a bar in the early morning hours contemplating the possibility that we are parasites living in some alien superorganism or asking whether Harry Potter is “for real” can call themselves a philosopher.
But here’s something to consider: If you suspect you have metastatic cancer or a serious plumbing problem, odds are you won’t be calling Auntie Gertrude — unless your auntie is an oncologist or master plumber. David Hume puts this very bluntly: “Nature will maintain her rights.” We can believe anything we dream up and pretend it’s true, but when push comes to shove, the human condition means there are things beyond our control — or even awareness — that affect us. Deciding our favorite comforting beliefs are the Last Word without reflection or testing is an existential version of playing ostrich: Reality gets the last word in the end. So, why not respect Nature’s rights up front? And doesn’t respect mean learning what the world has to tell us?
Those are the real credentials. Does your philosophy of life coach know enough to equip you? Do they have expertise across a range of possible philosophies of life to guide you? Do they have the experience in supporting people that makes you confident in their ability to support you? Are they grounded in respect for what’s real?
Here’s a two-step approach that may help you gather information to assess your philosophy of life coach’s expertise and experience.
Step 1: Ask your coach about their own philosophy of life and how it informs decisions and goals in their daily life. If you hear something you could have gotten from a greeting card or a self-help video on Instagram, run for the door. If you hear a reasonably complex perspective on life that is robust enough to guide real decision-making in real life — even if that perspective is not for you — then move on to step two.
Step 2: Think of the most important decision you’ve had to make. Tell your coach about the decision you were facing and the circumstances — but not what you actually decided — and ask them how they could have deepened your deliberation. If you have not had to make a significant life decision, congratulations. Make one up — but avoid “moral dilemmas” like “Should I tell my best friend that their partner is cheating on them?” Dilemmas like this are good for an intro to ethics textbook or an American sit-com, but when you’re looking for a philosophy of life coach, you want to see what they can do with a situation that’s more complex, because real life is not an intro textbook (or American sit-com).
Listen carefully to what you get. Does your coach shed light on the circumstances? Does that light seem grounded in ways that would have given you deeper insight and a more informed approach to the decision?
Important note: Is your coach applying their own worldview from Step 1 to your situation, as if you should just adopt their perspective? If the answer is yes, consider the possibility that you’re talking to someone who wants a disciple. If you want to be a disciple, the person you’re talking to might be a good match; but if you want to find your own path, you need a philosopher/coach who’s ready to equip and empower you.
How do I know if a philosophy of life coach is a good match for me?
This is very tricky, because human relationships of every kind are complex and multilayered, including relationships in which you’re paying someone for their expertise or service. It may take some time to determine whether your coach is a good match, but here’s a simple way to get started answering this question.
Think about your guiding beliefs — like, Do you believe in God? What sort of God do you believe in? Are you an atheist? agnostic? Do you believe in personal survival after the death of the body? Do you think people are naturally good or naturally depraved? You get the idea. Jot down these beliefs.
Some of our beliefs are more central to our sense of who we are, and some are less “core.” Put an asterisk by any beliefs that you see as your core.
Your philosophy of life coach is also a human being with a life to manage, which means they also have beliefs that are more or less core to their identity. Just as it is not necessary for your oncologist or master plumber to share your core beliefs to help you, a good philosophy of life coach should be able to support you in your goals even if they don’t share your core beliefs. But to do that, they have to know something about those beliefs — because, unlike an oncologist or plumber, philosophy of life work is about core beliefs and how they inform our lives.
So, ask your philosophy of life coach what they know about your core beliefs. An example may make this a little clearer. Suppose one of your core beliefs is that the person you are will survive the death of your body. So, you ask, What do you know about the belief that we survive as persons after we die?
If your coach says something like, “Do we? What gives you that idea? When we die, it’s curtains,” this particular coach may not be able or willing to support you in your philosophy of life work. The kind of answer you want is expansive. Does the coach talk about this belief as it appears in various religions or cultures? philosophical arguments for this belief? If so, and if you get the sense that this expertise could help you refine your thinking about your beliefs, then you’re on the right track.
Another important note: Don’t confuse telling you “the right answer” with challenging your favorite answer! You want a coach who encourages you to think more, not less. It can feel weird or even dangerous at first, but people who stretch themselves by meeting challenges tend to be the ones doing the most growing.
Is this a commitment for life?
This question is often code for “Am I committed to seeing (and paying) you forever?” The short answer is No.
The hallmark of every genuine learning experience is that the learner takes ownership of their learning, and philosophical coaching should be no different. A philosophy of life coach will help you acquire the knowledge and skills you need to take charge of working on your philosophy of life and help you get started putting your principles into practice. After that, it’s your task to continue the work and find the resources you need — perhaps an occasional tune-up or expansion pack, if you wish. In that sense, one of the goals of philosophy of life coaching is for you not to need coaching to make progress. A good philosophy of life coach will give you honest feedback and empower you to decide how much coaching you need based on your goals.
Having said that, there are knowledge and skills to learn, and that takes an investment of time and energy. Let’s be blunt: We live in a time of instant gratification, where knowledge often means the first paragraph of a wikipedia article and expertise means “I watched a YouTube video.” Developing your philosophy of life and putting it into practice day by day is like learning to play a musical instrument. To lay the foundations for playing well, you have to put in some time learning and practicing skills. It’s hard to do completely on your own, so investing in some good guidance is worthwhile.
Question? Want to learn more? Let’s talk.